The Buffy Crossover Bible
by polgara-5
Summary: This is a humorous look at the creation of the Buffy Crossover World... At least, I hope it is. COMPLETE
1. The Book Of Genesis

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The Buffy Crossover Bible

By: Polgara (melindoranightsilver@hotmail.com)

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Rating: G

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Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS or the Techie Bible.

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Spoilers: None

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Summary: This is a humorous look at the creation of the Buffy Crossover World... At least, I hope it is.

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Note: Many of my normal readers know that I work in the theatre. But what they may not know is the fact that I'm a techie, a completely different breed from the actor. Most of us techies are very familiar with something called The Techie Bible. You can go here to read a sample of it: . Now, the Techie Bible exists in many different forms so there are many ways I can do this, but I'm only going to write three books... At least at the moment.

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Note2: I'm sorry if I offend anyone with this. It really wasn't my intention, it's just a little fun.

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Note3: The next book will be the Book of Exodus, followed by the Book of Proverbs. I don't need any help with the Book of Exodus, but I would appreciate help with Proverbs. If you can think of anything like: Thou shalt not speak in fanfiction terms to the uninitiated for they will not perceive thy meaning. I would love it if you would send it to my email: melindoranightsilver@hotmail.com Thanks!

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The Book of Genesis

In the beginning there was the TV and the TV was without vampires, demons, a female hero, and there was sadness in the hearts of the viewers. And then Joss Whedon (hereinafter referred to as God) said, "Let there be a female hero!" And he worked feverishly into the night constructing a girl who was not only beautiful, but also strong and full of witty quips. She was not the brightest, but was full of passion. When he was finished he called her Buffy, and it was good. And the evening and the morning were the First Day.

And then God looked upon Buffy and realized that although she was heroic, she had no evil to vanquish, and he was moved to pity. He said, "Let there be enemies!" And through the night he created vampires, demons, hellgods, and even a geek trio - each more vile and sinister than the - wait, scratch that - each with their own twisted sense of self-worth. He stepped back and saw that they were good. And the evening and the morning were the Second Day.

And God saw that his heroine Buffy had enemies to vanquish, but had no one to stand beside her, or to guide her and he knew that that wouldn't do. And God said, "Let there be friends and family!" And with much gusto he created a mother, two best friends, a possible sister, and a watcher to guide her. He invented others to share in her life and her burden. Then God looked upon the support system and saw that they were good. And the evening and the morning were the Third Day.

And God looked upon Buffy and saw that she had no love in her life and in his heart he was moved to pity. And God said, "Let there be a boyfriend!" And from his imagination he devised a man that could equal her in strength and passion - a souled vampire. But knowing that love would never last forever on his show he devised others - some a waste of space, others with the personality of a limp noodle, and yet another vampire. And God examined his work and decided it would do. And the evening and the morning were the Fourth Day.

And lo, all of these wonders were done and the show _Buffy the Vampire Slayer _was born.

And TV viewers watched the show and rejoiced in the humor and action. They fell in love with the characters and shared in their joys and tears. But some viewers began to wonder - What if? And they wrote out their what ifs, creating new plots and posted them on the web - creating Buffy fanfiction. And the writers looked upon their creations and saw that they were good. And the evening and the morning were the Fifth Day.

And the writers of Buffy fanfiction were introduced to other types of fanfiction. And again the question of _What if? _entered their creative minds. And they began taking characters from other shows and books and placed them into the Buffy universe and vice versa. The number of crossed fics grew and the writers read them and saw that they were good. And the evening and the morning were the Sixth Day.

And lo, the Buffy Crossover fanfiction was born, bringing laughter and tears to readers everywhere.


	2. The Book Of Exodus

I'm glad to know that at least some people found this humorous.

jen, dulaithlossword, Tegasus, Chelle86, Sandalphon, 8th, thank you guys so much for your reviews! I hope you continue to enjoy, and don't be afraid to send me ideas!

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Note: Please remember that I would appreciate help with the Book of Proverbs. If you can think of anything like: Thou shalt not speak in fanfiction terms to the uninitiated for they will not perceive thy meaning. I would love it if you would send it to my email: melindoranightsilver@hotmail.com Thanks! Remember, if I don't receive any, it will take longer for the next chapter to appear!

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Note2: I had too many ideas for one book, so there are two books of Exodus here.

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The Book of Exodus (1)

And lo, as the TV season begins, so are the new episodes of our favorite shows delivered unto the viewers, who do revere and worship the TV.

And soon, does the new episodes send signals to the TV, to be used by the fanfic authors in pursuit of excellence in their writing _What ifs? _and also in their crossover _What ifs?_

And the fanfic authors do soon become worried at the number of fics that are written, for while writing many fics does surely lead to a higher plane of fanfic existence, the year is divided unto two: 8 months of plenty where there are new episodes, and then the 4 months of famine in which the viewers are forced to endure reruns.

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The Book of Exodus (2)

And lo, as the new book enters print, so are the next parts of the series delivered unto the readers, who do revere and worship Harry Potter, Anita Blake, and others.

And soon, does the new book hit the bookstores, to be used by the Buffy fanfic authors in their pursuit of excellence in their writing crossover _What ifs?_

And the fanfic authors do soon become worried at the number of fics that are written, for while writing many fics does surely lead to a higher plane of fanfic existence, the year is divided unto two: the first week in which the new book is read and then reread, and is followed by the rest of the year of famine in which the readers are forced to wait for the new book.


	3. The Ten Commandments

A/N: Ok, so this one isn't as funny as the last ones, but I felt no Bible could be complete without the Ten Commandments, so here they are...

A/N2: I'm still in some slight need of help with the Proverbs section. I only need a few more to make it. You'll get total credit for your contribution. My email is melindoranightsilver@hotmail.com

Black Rose 9, Frogboy lives, NABELLETHEY, Chelle 86, Tiffany, Tegasus, LittleMissGothicChyld, Dr Gonzo, Crazy Green Person, thank you guys so much for your reviews!

Sandalphon, 8th, I know Joss isn't exactly god, but it worked for the purposes of this crazy little fic. Thanks for the review!

Matariel 9th, Umm, not sure if your review was meant to be a compliment or what, but whichever way you meant it I found it rather funny. It was very cleverly written.

Steve-O, no I didn't call Anya a waste of space. That particular insult could have been applied to Riley, Scott, or Parker. The line appeared in the bit about Buffy's boyfriends. And soon we shall be in rerun hell forever, *sniffle*.

Miss Kayle, thank you for your contribution. You'll be given total credit for it. Thanks!

The Ten Commandments of Fanfiction

1. Thou shall use a spellchecker.

2. Thou shall use correct grammar.

3. Thou shalt not plagiarize.

4. Thou shall keep the characters in cannon.

5. Thou shall post a disclaimer, lest ye be sued.

6. Thou shall warn thy readers of spoilers.

7. Thou shall post the correct rating.

8. Thou shalt not flame.

9. Thou shall offer constructive criticism.

10. Honor thy reviewers.


	4. Book Of Proverbs

Ok guys, this is it. The end. Finito. I'm afraid that if I continue this it will cease to be funny and become annoying. So I hope you guys have enjoyed this as much as I have.

NOTE: Proverbs has ended up being more like pet peeves than anything else. And I know that I have broken some of these myself (along with some of the commandments), but nobody is perfect.

NOTE2: Not all of these Proverbs are mine. Those that aren't have the contributors name following the Proverb. Thanks to all who contributed.

ScruffyWes, Steve-0, Tanydwr, Chelle86, Kill-the-rabbit, dulaithlossword, Tiffany, thank you guys so much for all of your reviews! At least I know some people found this amusing.

Book Of Proverbs

Behold, my son here is wisdom. Pay heed to these words, and in the days of thy writings, thou shalt not be caught short. For truly it is said, pay heed to the errors of others and you shall not make them yourself. And again, as we have been told from on old, to thine own self be true.

Thou shalt not speak in fanfiction terms to the uninitiated, for they will not perceive thy meaning.

Thou shalt be wary in thy usage of accents, for if ye writest them too heavy, for as surely as the sun does rise in the East and set in the West, thy readers will bog themselves down in deciphering their speech.

Thou shalt not overburden they readers with too much exposition, for nothing can kill a fic faster than too much exposition.

Yet, thou shall not set the pace of thy plot to the speed of a jet plane, but let it develop at a believable tempo, and only then will thy readers not feel cheated.

When thou combinest two different worlds, i.e. Buffy and Harry Potter, thou must do so in a logical way and explainest away any discrepancies.

Whosoever shall use Elizabeth as the full name of Buffy, despite a total lack of cannonical evidence, shalt be smited, verily. - Froggy

Family trees shalt not resemble the work of a crazed toparist. - Froggy

Thou shalt not holdest chapters hostage. Unless thou desireth to be smoten, verily. - Froggy

Create not a Mary Sue, for though she seemeth beautiful and perfect, she leads, not to the path of righteousness, but to the path of flames and torment at the hands of the great angelic protector of cannon, Miss H. - Miss Kayl

Thou mayest create a Mary Sue if thy soul purpose is to ridicule or parody her. Then shall thy readers rejoice in her destruction.

Lo, shall the fanfic reader revere the writers of fics: au's, crossovers and canon, for they shall deliver us from the desert of reruns and repeated readings. They shall offer us a bounty of stories: angst, shippiness, what ifs, fixes, missing scenes, and smut. So bountiful, the reader shall offer feedback, encouragement, and much prayers for updates. Blessed be the fanfic writer that provides new and entertaining stories. - Catlimere

Plagiarism is a cheat's tool - to use it, is to lose your own talent. - Tanydwr

Be wary of placing whole paragraphs in italics, lest ye wish for thy readers to develop crossed eyes and cease in their ability to read further.


	5. Proverbs additions

Ok, this is just an addition to the Proverbs section. I had a review asking about the address to the original Techie Bible that this fic was based off of and for some reason ff.net doesn't allow web addresses to show up in a fic. So you can find the address on my profile page. In order to let you guys know this, but not have this story removed because of an author's note instead of a chapter, I've listed a few more Proverbs I thought of. (I hope this helps Hestia. You didn't leave an email address for me to send this to.)

Thank you guys for all your reviews! You guys kick ass!!

Thou shalt not allow thy author notes and review responses become longer than your actual chapter. (hee hee, do you sense the irony in this situation?)

The reviewer shall wait patiently for updates, knowing that the author does have a life that does not always include fanfiction. Those who demand for updates and nothing else shall be smited, verily.

Thou shalt not demand reviews before posting another chapter, for many may not review for the insult done to their person. One should allow the reviewing to come as it may for those who would normally review may have not been able to at the time.

(Ok, I'm really done this time. My Bible muse has run its course)


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